The Official Story of 9-11:

On the morning of September 11, 2001, 19 men armed with box cutters directed by a man on dialysis in a cave fortress halfway around the world using a satellite phone and a laptop directed the most sophisticated penetration of the most heavily-defended airspace in the world, overpowering the passengers and the military combat-trained pilots on 4 commercial aircraft before flying those planes wildly off course for over an hour without being molested by a single fighter interceptor or air-to-ground system

 

These 19 hijackers, devout religious fundamentalists – who liked to drink booze at strip joints, snort cocaine, and live with pink-haired dancers – managed to knock down 3 buildings with 2 planes in New York, while in Washington a pilot who couldn’t handle a single engine Cessna was able to fly a 757 in an 8,000 foot descending 270 degree corskscrew turn to come exactly level with the ground, hitting the Pentagon in the budget analyst office where DOD staffers were working on the mystery of the 2.3 trillion dollars that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld had announced “missing” from the Pentagon’s coffers in a press conference the day before, September 10, 2001.

 

In the meanwhile, someone in the financial markets made huge profits from these events by selling short on the stocks of the airlines involved through Deutschbank. The names of those investors have never been revealed, and a satisfactory reason for their foreknowledge has never been given.  This in spite of President Bush vowing to the nation that they would be found and face justice. Deutschbank’s CEO at the time was Buzzy Krongard, who had just taken the job after serving as Chief of Counterintelligence at the CIA.

 

Luckily, the news anchors knew who had committed this coordinated attack within minutes; the pundits were spinning it within hours; and the Administration confirmed within the day. The evidence literally fell into the FBI’s lap.

 

Obviously Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, mortal enemies, had teamed up to attack us!

 

Suddenly, in mere moments, all of Israel’s worst enemies became also America’s worst enemies. For this, we must bomb them back into the stone age.

 

But for some reason a bunch of crazy conspiracy theorists were soon demanding some kind of significant investigation into the greatest attack on American soil in history – and the greatest failure of our national defense systems since Pearl Harbor. Incidentally, it was found that the Project for a New American Century (PNAC), a group to which Cheney and Rumsfield belonged, had recently called for a “new Pearl Harbor” event to galvanize America into imperial action which would usher in a new century of American domination of the world.

 

The investigation of 9-11 was delayed, underfunded, set up to fail, a conflict of interest and a cover up from start to finish. It was based on testimony extracted through torture, the records of which were destroyed. It failed to mention the existence and unexplained collapse of WTC #7, Able Danger, Ptech, Sibel Edmonds, Bin Laden’s longstanding CIA affiliation, and the drills of hijacked aircraft being flown into buildings that were being simulated at the precise same time that those events were actually happening.

 

The Commission was lied to by the Pentagon, the CIA, and the Bush Administration.  As for Bush and Cheney, no one knows what they said, because they testified in secret, off the record, not under oath, and behind closed doors. In fact, Bush agreed to appear only if the Vice President appeared with him.

 

The Commission didn’t bother to look at who funded the attacks because that question was (in their opinion) “of little practical significance.”  Still, the 9/11 Commission did brilliantly, answering all of the questions the public had (except most of the victims’ family members’ questions) and pinning blame on all the people responsible (although no one so much as lost their job), determining the attacks were “a failure of imagination” because “I don’t think anyone could envision flying airplanes into buildings.” Except for the Pentagon and FEMA and NORAD and the NRO. The DIA destroyed 2.5 TB of data on Able Danger, the simulated attack that mirrored the actual attack, and occurred at the same exact time. Able Danger was a military drill on 9-11 which simulated airplane attacks by terrorist hijackers in Manhattan and at the Pentagon.

 

The SEC destroyed their records on the investigation into the insider trading before the attacks, but that’s OK because destroying the records of the largest investigation in SEC history is just part of routine record keeping.

 

NIST has classified the data that they used for their model of WTC #7s collapse, but that’s OK because knowing how they made their model of that collapse would “jeopardize public safety.“

 

The FBI has argued that all material related to their investigation of 9/11 should be kept secret from the public, including the Black Boxes from the planes, but that’s OK because the FBI probably has nothing to hide.

 

Osama Bin Laden lived in a cave fortress in the hills of Afghanistan, but somehow he got away. Then he was hiding out in Tora Bora but somehow he got away again. Then he lived in Abottabad for years, taunting the most comprehensive intelligence dragnet employing the most sophisticated technology in the history of the world for 10 years, releasing video after video with complete impunity (and getting younger and younger as he did so), before finally being found in a daring SEAL team raid which wasn’t recorded on video, in which he didn’t resist or use his wife as a human shield, and in which these crack special forces operatives panicked and killed this unarmed man, supposedly the best source of intelligence about those dastardly terrorists on the planet. When they looked around the compound, the were unable to locate any dialysis equipment. A check of the surrounding villages revealed that the nearest dialysis clinic was over 60 miles away. Apparently, Bin Laden had been cured of his acute kidney failure. The operatives then dumped his body in the ocean in the dead of night before telling anyone about it. They did this in order to comply with Islamic custom, which in fact has nothing to say on the subject of burial at sea. The body never washed ashore. Soon afterwards,  a couple dozen of that SEAL team’s members died in a mysterious helicopter crash in Afghanistan.

 

You now know the official story of 9/11.

 

If you have any questions about this story, if there are any parts of it which make you feel uneasy…you are a batshit, paranoid, tinfoil hat dog-abusing baby-hater and will be reviled by everyone.
If you love your country and/or freedom, happiness, rainbows, rock and roll, puppy dogs, apple pie and your grandma, you will never express any doubts about any part of this story to anyone. Ever.   (GATOR)

 

 

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