You Mfing SOBs might think it’s just a bunch of BS, but I used to drink Seven & 7 on the QT with the CEOs and VPs at IBM and BP. They once gave me the 411 about an IPO on the NASDAQ, so I thought I should roll the CDs in my 401k ASAP. This was after I graduated from A&M with my PhD in BS and a GPA of 3.5, and ASAP I went to work at NASA.
On my way to NYC (I flew TWA, and the TSA screeners were FUBAR) I sat next to this “10″ with 36dds. I BSed her, telling her I was AWOL from the USMC after a fellow GI put PCP on my BLT at the USO.
She was a real MILF, from LA, where she was a CSR for AT&T. She was taking some R&R and wanted to rent a car at JFK, see the WTC, then head down I-95 to PA where her BFF was expecting her PDQ.
She okayed me to go along, so we rented a BMW, made a u-turn, and turned on the mp3 player. We listened to some STP and REM at 65 MPH.
BTW there was one SNAFU. She put her hands in my BVDs, and whipped out my WMD. Then she gave me a BJ. It was A-OK.
When we got to PA, her friend CJ turned out to be a chick I once 86ed after sending her a TTYL text, so she called me an SOB and a MFer but after while she stopped PMSing. Then we all got KO’d on some MD 20-20 and a bottle of VO.
There were drugs there, including a bottle of GHB, which I drank, believing it was H20. I got the DTs, and saw a UFO and thought I had ESP. That’s when the DEA, NYPD, and SPCA came crashing through the door.
It seems that there was an APB from the FBI for the MILF (who had an AKA) for knocking off an ATM using an AK-47 in OKC on MLK Day of Y2k.
By the time the five-o finally ROR’d me from the jail at the PD it was 5 AM. I was ready for some Zzzz’s, but I had to be back in DFW to see my CPA and pick up a 1099 to send to the IRS on a UPS truck.
I was really PO’ed when the FAA postponed my flight because the NWS said the storm was a CAT 5. So I went to the airport bar where the SOBs charged me $5 for an MGD. They asked for my ID. It’s enough to make you join AA.
I met a SWF there, a BBW from DC who worked for the TSA, and we ended up at a Super 8 in BFE, where we did it k-9 style, and 69, then watched HBO and CNN till 6pm.
She gave me VD and an STD so I went to the ER at UTMB. They put me in ICU and gave me an MRI and some X-rays and said I was OK, except that I had ADHD. So I hopped in my 4WD SUV, turned on the AC and 93 FM, then headed up to the KFC for a BLT. I hit the ATM for 50 and I figured I would BRB but my GF sent me an SMS that she got a DUI from the DPS on FM 518.
She’s an RN, so she had to get an SR22 down to the DMV ASAP.
All of this BS had my BP over 180 so I took some LSD and turned on the TV to watch a T&A flick while I drank a PBR. I awoke at 7am feeling Gr8.