Blind Group Sues Over SOB Laws

A group of activists called Sight-Challenged Union of Men (SCUM) has filed a petition in Federal Court asking a judge to rule that local regulations pertaining to sexually oriented businesses (SOB’s) are a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. The suit claims that blind patrons are not allowed to use their hands to “see” dancers at strip clubs, because of the 3-foot and 4-foot laws passed by local governments.

The President of SCUM, Claude McScab, claims that he is unable to exercise his right to enjoy the cabarets and adult attractions in the area without breaking the law. “Hey, I’m 10% blind in one eye, and the other one is nearly as bad. My only way to visualize these gals is by touch. But they won’t let me. The law says I should be able to feel my way along.” McScab also suffers from glaucoma, and recently won the right to legally smoke medical marijuana in a separate case.
A watchdog group called WHEE (We Hate Everyone Else) has a different idea. Their spokesperson, Donna Biddie, when contacted by reporters, stated: “They (blind persons) are allowed to bring their guide dogs inside, and that should be enough. The seeing-eye dogs can alert their owner by wagging their tails, and other signs. If they win this case, there will be blind guys, legally smoking pot and feeling all over the dancers.”
A spokesman for the Humane Society said that it might be a crime to take a dog into an adult club, unless the dog is over the age of 18, presumably in dog years.
Attorney Elvin Arnold, who filed the suit, says that the group would like to see the laws amended to allow blind persons to touch entertainers at adult cabarets, in accordance with federal laws banning discrimination.

This entry was posted in All posts, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.