TABC Snitch App / Goddam Balloons


TABC Introduces Snitch App
The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission (TABC) has introduced a new smartphone app that will make it easy to report suspected violations of TABC rules, at the click of a button.
Do you think that the average person is going to download the app, just in case they happen to see some infraction at their favorite watering hole? That won’t happen.
More likely, assholes will download the app to use against their competition in the club business. Disgruntled former employees and banned customers will use it as payback.
TABC already receives tens of thousands of phony complaints every year, and has to check out every one of them. So now they want to create a simple way to make the problem get a lot bigger?
Sombody at TABC has their head up their ass.

There Are Too Many Balloons
Have you ever been driving down the road, and passed an apartment complex with a bunch of balloons tied out front?
Of course you have.
There are usually signs that say something like “99 months free rent, zero deposit”.
Here’s my advice: NEVER move into a place with balloons tied up to it. Any place that has a management team that thinks balloons are the solution to their vacancy problem has got to be all fucked up. And it is always fucked up apartments with the worst management that invariably have balloons out front.
Now, I bet you that the person who is sent to put up the balloons is the maintenance guy. So instead of fixing the stopped up commode in 28-C, he’s out front hanging up fucking balloons all day.
Can you imagine what kind of mentality one would have to possess to be attracted to an apartment complex because of balloons? Fuck the floor plan, never mind the parking – let’s see those balloons!
What can these idiots be thinking? Business is slow, so someone (there’s always an idiot in every workplace, usually at the top) says “Hey, our problems are solved! We just need some balloons!”
And do you really think people are going to believe you’re a good patriotic American because the balloons are red white and blue? Hell no, what they’ll think is: Here’s another greedy bastard using the symbols men died for to enrich himself. It just pisses people off.
If they want to rent apartments, they need to come up with better names. Apartments all have names that are a combination of two or three words from an official list that includes: river, pine, brook, forest, crossing, oaks, elm, garden, green, pond, etc.
How about a name that implies hot chicks? Pussy Willow Apartments, or Titmouse Meadows have a nice ring. I’d rent a crib.
Most apartment people tend to party a lot, so Whiskey Bend would sound good to some, as would Brewers Pond, Bong Creek, or Rum Harbour.
I have also noticed that car dealers have the same balloon fixation. They just can’t get up any enthusiasm to sell a car that doesn’t have a balloon tied to it.
None of this would be a problem if not for one thing: Balloons are made of latex, and they oxidize. The outer surface loses its’ shine and becomes a powdery film. Balloons attract bees, and this oxidized latex is fatal to bees. You may not know it, but without bees, we’re all going to die! Yep, bees are that important to life on this planet.
If the balloons are a must, why not inflate some condoms and put ‘em out there. That should get some attention.
I hate to be the one to break the news to the apartment managers and the auto dealers, but balloons will not work as a substitute for good management practices. Get rid of the balloons and get your asses to work!

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