A young man meets an attractive girl in a bar. They have a few drinks and become very comfortable. He asks her if she would like to go for a drive in the country. She agrees. After a long, star filled drive he pulls off the road. They both are feeling romantic. When things start to get a little heavy she interrupts and says, ” Before we go any farther I must tell you I am a lady of the evening, by profession. If this is going where I think it is going it will cost you $25?. The young man thinks about it and takes out his wallet and hands her the money. After they are finished he turns to the lady and says, “By the way, I am taxi driver by profession. If you want a ride home it will cost you $30?.
Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?”
Little Johnny: Drin- king, smo- king, and fuc- king.
Q: Why are only 2% of all blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt-n-peckers.
Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her it will be $300 she exclaims, “I don’t have any money. But I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland.”
To that the man asks, “Anything?” And the blonde says “Yes…anything!” With that, the man says “Follow me.” He walks into the next room and tells her, “Come in and close the door.” She does.
He then says, “Get on your knees.” She does.
He then says, “Take down my zipper.” She does.
He then says, “Go ahead… Take it out.” With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.
The man then says, “Well. Go ahead!” She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips she says, “Hello? Mom?”
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him;
“How’s the girlfriend?”
Pinocchio replied;
“Who needs a girlfriend?”
When the ark’s door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals and said in a demanding voice:
“Listen up kids! There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your penis. All of you males, take off your penises and hand them to Jim the Monkey. He will write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back.”
After about a week, Mr. Rabbit ran over to his wife and very excitedly said, “Quick! Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!”
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window and said, “Sorry, no land yet.”
“Shit!” shouted Mr. Rabbit and out he went.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him.
“What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water had drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?”
“Look!” said Mr. Rabbit with an impatient look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. “I GOT THE DONKEY’S RECEIPT!”
