Author Archives: Gator

The 9-11 tragedy really has more questions than answers. Everybody knows Rosie O’Donnell is a dumb bitch, but there are still some valid questions that persist. They are mostly “why” questions. See how many of them you feel might have a rational explanation:
WHY were there no windows on the planes that struck the WTC? Witnesses told investigators the planes had no windows. The photos and videos clearly show planes without any windows striking the World Trade Center. Where are the windows?
WHY did the security company responsible for the WTC remove the bomb-sniffing dogs from duty on September 6 – five days before the attack? That company, incidentally, was run by Marvin Bush, brother of the President.
WHY did asbestos-coated steel supports designed to withstand temperatures in excess of 3,000 degrees quickly collapse in the 600 degree temperatures jet fuel burns at?
WHY was Haji Hansour, alleged pilot of the plane that hit the Pentagon, able to execute a 330-degree turn and flawlessly fly a Boeing 757 two feet off the lawn to hit the Pentagon – after being kicked out of flight school for being unable to handle a single-engine Cessna?
WHY have there been no clear pictures or videos of a plane hitting the Pentagon – arguably the place on Earth with the most surveillance cameras?
WHY was a plane which was over 100 feet wide, with two massive six-ton titanium engines, able to completely disappear into a hole in the Pentagon less than 15 feet wide?
WHY were many passengers supposedly able to make cell phone calls from 32,000 feet – a feat which has been proven to be impossible by multiple scientific investigations?
WHY has not one single person who received a 9-11 cell phone call come forward to simply show their phone bill, to prove the call actually happened?
WHY did Solicitor General Ted Olsen claim his wife called him collect from the plane, when this is impossible to do. WHY did he later change his story twice?
WHY are more than half of the accused hijackers named and shown on TV known to be persons who are alive and well, and presently living in Saudi Arabia?
WHY is it that none of the hijackers were listed as passengers aboard any of the planes, and every passenger has been accounted for. How were 19 Arabs without tickets, who were not on the passenger lists, able to sneak aboard the planes?
WHY in the poor-quality video of Bin Laden admitting that Al Qaeda planned the attacks, is he seen writing with his right hand, when he is known to be left-handed?
WHY did the BBC report building #7 had collapsed nearly a half-hour before it collapsed, while the building still stood in the background of the reporter? How were they able to predict this? It’s not the kind of thing you err about, so where did this advance information originate?
WHY was the US Military holding military exercises simulating mass hijackings on 9-11?
WHY did Vice President Cheney (according to Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta) order an aide not to shoot down the plane that then struck the Pentagon?
WHY did people and corporations who made thousands of stock trades which profited off what had to be advance knowledge of the tragedies of 9-11 never face justice?
WHY did the government claim the trades were made “anonymously” when no such method of stock trading exists or ever has existed in the United States?
WHY did former President George Bush Sr. meet with Osama Bin Laden’s brother, Salem Bin Laden, in Washington DC on September 10th, the day before the attacks?
WHY did federal agents shut down over 500 Arab websites just three days before the attacks?
WHY was Saddam Hussein blamed for 9-11, when he was known to be marked for death by Osama’s Al Qaeda group?
WHY did Bush lawyer James Bath tell Taliban officials two months before 9-11 that the US
would bury them under a “carpet of bombs” if they did not sign a pipeline deal with Unocal?
WHY did Unocal executive Hamid Karzai get appointed President of Afghanistan?
WHY did the Secret Service not whisk the President to a safe location immediately when the attacks began, instead waiting 45 minutes for him to finish reading a book about a goat?
WHY, with one hour and twenty minutes notice, was the United States unable to get a single fighter jet into the air over the US capitol to protect the Pentagon?
WHY were the suicidal hijackers said to be religious men willing to die for their faith – yet allegedly spent lots of time hanging out in topless clubs and drinking – forbidden by Islam?
WHY was the top hijacker Mohammed Atta spotted on the yacht of Republican super-crook Jack Abramoff shortly before the 9-11 attacks occurred?
WHY was the Bin Laden family protected and allowed to leave the US after the attacks?
WHY did Bush and Cheney vehemently oppose the 9-11 Commission?
WHY did Bush refuse to testify under oath, and only agreed to testify if Cheney was with him?
WHY did FEMA set up a full-scale disaster recovery team in Manhattan the day before 9-11?
WHY did Israeli employees of Odigo receive text warnings 2 hours before the attacks?
WHY did the FBI prevent the NTSB from investigating the crash sites?
WHY are the black boxes from all the planes still missing?
WHY did Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announce on the day before 9-11 that over $2 billion of Pentagon funds were somehow unaccounted for?
WHY were two US Navy carrier groups and 17,000 US troops presciently sent to the middle east a few weeks before the attacks?
WHY was AWOL US Naval Intelligence Officer Delmart Vreeland able to warn of the attacks four months ahead of time, with a document placed in a sealed envelope inside of a safe in a Canadian prison which wasn‘t opened until after the attacks?
WHY was the largest gold reserve in the US lost under the WTC rubble?
By far the biggest question is, WHY are so many otherwise intelligent Americans willing to believe the “official” version, when it is so obviously flawed? Why are they able to ignore these questions and blindly accept what us Texans refer to as a pile of bullshit?
If there were a couple of unanswered questions, I could accept that. But there are too many.
This thing stinks. Somebody’s pissing on my head and telling me it’s raining. Put me on the list of people (with that fat bitch Rosie) who think it was an inside job.

(GATOR)

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.
“I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to believe in!”

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly.
“In this country … we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives …
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men….that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and masks over their eyes.
After a few days they meet again…..
The engaged girlfriend said: ‘The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4’ stilettos and mask. He said, ‘You are the woman of my life, I love you…then we made love all night long.’
The mistress stated: ‘Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn’t say a word. We just had wild sex all night.’
The married one then said: ‘The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, ‘Hey Batman, what’s for dinner?’

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. “I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,” said the woman, “especially with the size difference and all.” “Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes,” said the midget. The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she’d ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times. “If you think that was good,” said the midget with a smirk, “Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!”

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: “Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael?”
Michael: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.” Teacher: “That would be rude and impolite!!! Teacher: “What about you Peter? How would you say it?” Peter: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Teacher: “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?” Johnny: “I would say: ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you’ll get to meet after supper. ”

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window…He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?” She replies, “Yes, catching crabs – that’s why I’m here!”

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he replies,
“I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says,
“A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
“It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he explains.
“What’s it telling you now?” “Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties…” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!”
The man explains, shaking the watch, “Damn thing must be an hour fast.”

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
“No,” the man replied, “The seat is empty.”
“This is incredible,” said the first man.
“Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?”
The second man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven’t been together since we got married in 1967.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else — a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”
The man shook his head. “No, they’re all at the funeral.”

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
“An ambulance just drove by!”
“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.
“Matt’s riding a new bike!”
“Looks like the Sanders are moving!”
“Jason is on his skate board!”
After a few moments he announced, “The Coopers are having sex!”
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, “How do you know they’re having sex?”
“Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.”

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, “Things are great and I’ve never felt better.  I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
“I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.
One day he was setting off to go hunting.  In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his
walking cane instead of his gun.  As he neared a lake, he came across a very large ten point buck standing at the water’s edge.
He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.
“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the buck fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?” asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that buck.”
The doctor replied, “That‘s what I‘m sayin…”

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Houston, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him she need to file her tax return.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”
He gets her name, address, tax file number, etc. and then asks,” What is your occupation?”
“I’m a prostitute,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, “Let us try to rephrase that.”
The woman says, “OK, I ‘ m a high-end call girl”.
“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised more than 600 cocks last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is!”

The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found.
So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking..!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole..!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up.”
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story –
If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

A guy spent the day at a nude beach and, accidentally, fell asleep in the sun. Well, he’d covered himself with suntan lotion but he missed a spot and, of course, he awoke to find his manhood had been severely sunburned. He was pretty depressed ’cause he’d planned a date for that night. Anyhow, the young man was determined not to miss his date, because it was with a hot blonde, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up.
He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his Johnson immersed in a glass of milk.
Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things.”

Recently, the do-gooders have decided to turn their sights on “bullying” in their unending quest to make the world a safer place.
These are tough times for bullies. It used to be that the bully served an important purpose in life. If there hadn’t been any bullies, my dad would have never taught me how to box, and how to use the old one-two.
I remember those nine pound gloves making my hands droop, while my dad landed hooks and jabs and yelled “keep those hands up!”
I did get pretty good with the gloves, but whenever I got into a fight, I could never get the other kid to wear them.
But now, the bullies are the victims. They are under intense pressure from all sides to cease and desist from their natural behavior. They are in fact being bullied themselves.
When another kid beats up a bully, he is an instant hero. But is he just another bully?
Did you ever stop to think that most bullies have learned from how they themselves have been mistreated? Kids who are bullies have often been beaten down at home.
A bully is just trying to even things up. In math class, the nerd gets straight As, while the bully sits at the back of the room with a C minus. Every time that nerd gets another 100, the bully feels it as plainly as a hard kick to the groin. So when class is out, who can blame him for smacking that nerd around a little bit? Hell, it’s the American way.
(Incidentally, I was once a bully, but I used to get straight As and kick their ass on the playground. That’s still how I roll.)
There used to be at least one bully in every neighborhood. The best fights I ever saw were when two of them met up after school for a knockdown dragout.
The best thing about having bullies was that they prepared young folks for what life was going to be like when they got older.
Even if they manage to put every bully on some kind of pill to keep him down, there are still going to be plenty of bullies in the adult world.  We’ve all worked for the bully boss, who treats his best employees like dirt, takes advantage in every way, and never has a kind word. Many of us have encountered rogue police officers who treat every civilian like a felon or behave unprofessionally in the line of duty. There are idiots driving big trucks who will run you off the road to save five seconds.
We’ve all encountered sales persons who try to bully you into buying their product. The credit bureaus bully you into paying each bill on time. The alarm clock bullies you out of bed in the morning. The traffic cop bullies you into driving slower than you’d like to. The government bullies you into paying taxes. The culture of bullying runs very deep, and permeates every aspect of our lives.
We are all bullies who live in a nation that was founded by bullies. Indians were bullied out of their land from day one, and nothing has changed since then.
I believe zero-tolerance for bullying is going too far. Bullies should at least have the right to occasionally blow off steam, especially when the situation calls for it.
Crybabies, pansies, and mamas boys can often benefit from a good stomping. It makes them stronger and more pragmatic. They don’t feel so entitled afterwards, and perhaps it makes them less likely to grow up and become a whiny little sissy boy.
There used to be some degree of prestige in being the bully of a certain street, school,  or neighborhood. The bully received a level of respect from everyone, including the adults.
If you had trouble with a bully, you would learn to defend yourself, or get an older brother or cousin to step in and teach the bully a lesson. That’s how things were handled.
But these days the cops are called, an arrest is made, and it goes in front of a judge.
Once that happens, there is a police record, and some “counseling” may be ordered by the court. Counseling is the worst thing that can happen to a kid. Have you noticed that all of the young people who have ever done really horrible things had received counseling? There is something about counseling that turns a kid into a monster, and any form of counseling should be avoided at all costs.
If for no other reasons than that of diversity and tolerance, we should leave bullies alone.
Don’t join in the crowd of anti-bully bullies. Picking on bullies is just wrong.         GATOR

Cheney ordered 9-11 Stand down Orders:
On May 23 of 2003, the 9-11 Commission was underway in Washington. This commission had been vigorously opposed by the President and Vice President, but was insisted upon by congress under pressure by the public. President Bush reluctantly agreed to testify, but only under two strange conditions: 1. That he would not be under oath; and 2. That the Vice President would be by his side during any questioning.
But the most explosive testimony given to the commission was not that given by Cheney or Bush, but rather the testimony of the Secretary of Transportation, Norman Mineta. This relatively minor official’s testimony was so damaging to the official 9-11 story that he resigned on the very day it became public. What did Mineta say to the 9-11 Commission that was so important?
Mineta testified that on 9-11 he arrived at the Presidential Emergency Operations Center in the basement under the White House at 9:20 a.m. Vice President Cheney was already there. This timeline is important because if Cheney arrived at 10 a.m. it would have been about 20 minutes after the Pentagon was allegedly struck by a hijacked airplane at 9:38 a.m., too late for him to authorize the Air Force to shoot it down.
Mineta’s account is also supported by Vice President Cheney himself, who told a reporter that the plane struck the Pentagon “some time after” he had arrived in the command center.
Mineta testified “During the time that the airplane was coming in to the Pentagon, there was a young man who would come in and say to the Vice President, ‘the plane is 50 miles out, the plane is 30 miles out.’ And when it got to ‘the plane is 10 miles out’, the young man also said to the Vice President, ‘Do the orders still stand?’ And the vice president turned and whipped his neck around and said ‘Of course the orders still stand. Have you heard anything to the contrary?'”
Since the airplane which struck the Pentagon was not intercepted and destroyed, even though the vice president knew of it, “the orders” must have been to allow the plane to continue on course toward the Pentagon – what is called a “stand down“ order. The questioning by the junior officer whether “the orders still stand” had to have been about whether a standing order NOT to destroy the incoming plane still stood.
Given the two known prior attacks earlier that morning against the Twin Towers using commercial airliners as weapons, an order to destroy the plane approaching the Pentagon would be the only sensible order to give, and would not have been subject to question by a junior officer as the plane approached. Furthermore, had Cheney’s order been to fire on the plane approaching the Pentagon (which first passed at a low altitude very near the White House), the anti-missile and anti-aircraft capacity of the Pentagon or White House would have sufficed to take out that plane, or at least they would have fired on it. Neither occurred, and since Mineta does not speak of a last-second change by Cheney, the only supportable conclusion is that Cheney’s order was to NOT defend the Pentagon, an order so contrary to both common sense and military defense that it, and it alone, explains the repeated questioning by the junior officer.
If the standing order given by the Vice President prior to the aircraft hitting the Pentagon was not a stand down order, then what was the order referred to by Mineta?
Perhaps it was the danger of this question that caused Vice President Cheney to testify to the Commission along with the President in closed session, with no transcript, no witnesses, and no public accountability. Remember, Cheney resisted testifying to the very end.
But here is the Smoking Gun: Suppose Cheney did issue orders to shoot down the commercial plane headed toward Washington. If Cheney did give a sincere shoot-down order, then he must have done so before Flight 77 was 50 miles out, since the orders were already “standing” at 50 miles. That means fighter jets should have had time to reach Flight 77 since they were already standing by. But they didn’t, which proves that Cheney’s orders were a stand down.
Later, at ten miles out, why would the young man in the bunker with Cheney even ask if the orders still stood when there were no fighter planes close enough to reach Flight 77 in time? At 10 miles out Flight 77 was already much too close to its target. The young man was obviously watching a radar screen in order to know the location of Flight 77. That means he would also have known the location of any fighter jets within range to intercept it. If they really were still too far away to shoot it down, then why even bother asking the vice president about the shoot-down orders in a tone that seems to imply regret or hesitation?
The 9-11 commission took the position that Mineta was mistaken, that the plane Cheney and the junior officer were discussing was Flight 93, which fell in Pennsylvania almost an hour later, and that Mineta had his times mixed up. Sorry, but Flight 93 never got within 125 miles of the White House – let alone 50 or 10 miles out.
Mineta resigned on June 26, 2003 – twelve hours after his testimony was cited in an interview on the Fox News Channel. Mineta resigned for no official reason. The real reason he stepped aside was because the administration didn’t want him in a public position where he’d have to respond to questions from reporters. By having him resign he became a private citizen, no longer obligated to respond to public inquiries. And he hasn’t. And he never will.
Cheney apparently ordered a stand down and let the Pentagon get hit. It’s the only explanation for the testimony and resignation of Norman Mineta. It’s the only explanation for the Pentagon to get hit at all with all of the air defenses in place on that day. It’s the only explanation for why the President and Vice President wouldn’t swear under oath what happened, and why they fought so hard to prevent the 9-11 Commission from ever being established. The only thing they are afraid of is that the public will someday find out the truth.
Why would our own government be behind the 9-11 attacks, or at least allow them to happen?
Three buildings filled with asbestos were demolished on that day, along with a faulty new wing of the Pentagon, so whoever was responsible for the attacks did a huge financial favor for the City of New York and the Department of Defense. In addition, all of that cancer-causing asbestos was the responsibility of Halliburton, which owned the company that manufactured it, so 9-11 was also a giant gift to Halliburton, saving them tens of millions of dollars, and later providing them with a cornucopia of open-ended war contracts that continue to this day.
The events also provided an excuse to invade Iraq and Afghanistan, thus giving the United States military control over areas containing 1/3 of the world’s producing oil wells.
It allowed our government to pour trillions of dollars into guns, bombs, and bullets, enriching the military industrial complex.
It was a Machiavellian stroke of genius which also allowed the government to start ignoring the Constitution, using torture, kidnapping, and illegal spying on citizens, all in the name of security.
For most of us, 9-11 was a very bad day. For those who could have stopped it, it was a windfall.
Now that you know, that’s one more person they’ll have to kill.  (GATOR)

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said “I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double.” The man agreed, and said “I wish I had a mansion.” The genie granted it, but his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said “I would like a million dollars.” The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, “I want to be scared half to death.”

One day a guy was sitting at the bar taking shots. After every shot he looked in his shirt pocket and would order another one. After several shots the bartender says ‘How come every time you take a shot you look in your shirt pocket?’ He says ‘Well, I got a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts to look good, it’s time to go home.’

A guy goes in a bar. He gets to talking to another guy. They drink for a bit and get to talking, and they find out one is rich and one is poor and they both have wives with a birthday coming up. The rich guy says that he is getting his wife a beautiful diamond ring and a Ferrari. The poor man says why in the hell would you get her both. The rich guy replies that way if she does not like the ring she can drive the car the jewelry store to return the ring. The poor man says wow I just got my wife a pair of flip flops and a dildo. The rich man why would you get her that combination of gifts. The poor man says that way if she doesn’t like the flip flops she can go fuck herself.

Wife gets naked and asks her husband, ‘What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?’
Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, ‘Your sense of humor.’

One night a guy comes home late and his wife asks him where he was. His response was, I was out getting a tattoo and she says what tattoo did u get and he says I got a hundred dollar bill. She says where did you get it and he says I got it on my penis and she says what in world did you do that for?
And his response was …… so every time you want to blow a hundred bucks you can come home and do it.

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said: “I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does.”
The second woman giggled and confessed: “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked: “Say, what do you call your husband?”
She frowned and said: “The postman.”
“Why the postman?”
“Because he always delivers late, and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”

Two cowboys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the “rodeo”. The other cowboy asks what the position is, and how to do it? The first cowboy says, “You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get under way and she’s really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear : “Your sister likes this position too.”
Then try to hang on for 8 seconds.

A man was in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done before. Rather enjoying it, he turns and asked her, “Why do you love doing that?”
She replied: “Because I really miss mine”.

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.
She does and they continue.
A few minutes go by and he tells her again, “Open your legs a little wider.”
She does, and then he says again, “A little wider, hon.”
The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.
This continues until he asks again, “Can you open them just a little wider?”
So she finally yells, “What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?”
He says, “No, I’m trying to get them out.”

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.
The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband?
“Oh, that’s easily explained. For the past six months,” the wife says, “I’ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don’t have any money. The cab driver asks me, ‘Are you going to pay today, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.”
“Then, when I get to work,” she continues, “I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.
I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, ‘So, are you going to pay this time, or what?’ Again, I take an ‘or what’.
So you see, doc, by the time I get home I’m all tired out and don’t want it anymore.”
“Yes, I see,” replies the doctor. “So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

Using the newest kind of scientific profiling methods, agents with the FBI in Washington told local police and family last month that a Galveston child missing for over ten years is most likely now working as a prostitute.
The bureau also released a picture created by the bureau’s new age-progression technology department, depicting what the 19 year-old Tiffany Goatler might look like today.

It was ten years ago in August when police theorize that a carnival worker swiped the nine-year-old from a baby carriage at the 2003 Angleton World’s Fair & Hog Calling Championship. The child’s parents (who have since divorced, remarried others, then divorced again, and are now making plans to remarry and divorce each other) left the stroller parked nearby while they rode the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, the child was gone.
The mother, 28 year-old Dedra Wampole, immediately notified a security guard. Through a misunderstanding, Dedra was briefly detained and strip-searched by several security guards.
Meanwhile her then-husband, 44 year-old Chuck Wampole, had no idea where his wife and child had gone, and rushed home to print flyers on his MacIntosh computer.
The next day, authorities in Angleton released Mrs. Wampole and the parents sprang into action. Tiffany was listed by local police as a suspected runaway, and her room was rented out. Everyone expected the case would soon be solved. But investigators had few clues, and the case went cold.
Early this year, a new cold case detective was hired by the Angleton Police, Lt. Gordy McGuiness. He reopened the investigation and took forensic samples from all of the residents of Angleton, hoping that DNA would help track down the victim.
The list of suspects started in the thousands, but has since been narrowed down to several hundred.
The Angleton Police Department requested help from FBI Forensic Proctologist Bernard Wiggins Jr., who last month announced his findings. Wiggins says that his scientific analysis indicates that Tiffany is probably still alive, and is employed in an urban setting as a prostitute, and likely to be addicted to crack or crystal meth.
Police hope the sketch of how she might look today will generate leads that can help them solve the mysterious case.

It’s been seven years since the greatest white-collar criminal in the history of the United States was reported to have died. Ken Lay , the son of a preacher man, reportedly died of a “massive heart attack” and was cremated without any public viewing in a tiny Colorado town.
The death came at a good time, reminiscent of the classic “Death As A Career Move” dime novel.
On the following Monday, Lay was about to forfeit $45 million to the Federal Government.
He had been convicted and was about to be sentenced to 40 years in Federal prison.

But Ken Lay is not dead. He is alive, and presumably well, though he keeps a low profile these days. He is most likely living the good life in tropical Indonesia, a nation containing thousands of tiny islands on which a corrupt government has provided safe havens to many wealthy criminals and fugitive financiers since the end of WW2. The “disappearing” of Ken Lay was handled very smoothly by everyone involved – but there are always loose ends.
After his conviction, Ken Lay had only a few available options:
1. Do his time and die in prison. Out of the question for a man who never admitted any guilt.
2. Turn on the Bush administration and cut a deal to tell what he knew. Lay knew this wasn’t feasible, because a few months earlier, someone Lay was very familiar with had been sworn in as US Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales. Lay knew Gonzales was never going to let the Justice Department go after anyone in the Bush administration. Not even a remote option.
3. Flee the country. Certainly this was considered. Billionaire Marc Rich did it, and came home with a Presidential pardon from President Clinton. But this plan was distasteful to Lay because fleeing would be an admission of guilt. Lay never admitted any wrongdoing, and never expressed remorse. In true sociopathic fashion, he saw himself as a victim – even when he was caught in the act. He justified all of his own actions, using his all-forgiving God as a safety net. Becoming an international fugitive would negate everything Lay was. This option was a distant second best.
4. Suicide. If you had $30 million bucks, would you kill yourself? He wasn’t even old enough to get Social Security yet. Besides, that too would be an admission of guilt and a renunciation of his faith. Christians who kill themselves go to hell. Everyone knows that. For some people this would have been a genuine option. For Ken Lay, it was never even considered.
5. Fake his own death. Because Lay hadn’t been sentenced yet, his “demise” would result in the whole case against him being vacated – thus no conviction. The entire estate would then pass to his wife, Linda. Enron creditors would not be able to touch a penny of it. Instead of being hated, Lay would be put to rest with ministers and politicians mourning him. True, he would have to stay out of sight – but it can be done – especially with the kind of help and money Ken Lay had.
Imagine you’re Ken Lay, and look back at the five options. Nothing works but #5…
So it was that Ken Lay “died” in a small Colorado community in the middle of the night, in a rented house, and was cremated within hours, after a hurried autopsy by Dr. Robert Kurtzman, a Medical Examiner from Mesa County. That is not the county Lay died in. He died in Pitkin County, where the Chief Medical Examiner was Dr. Steve Ayers. Although it was his job to do so, Dr. Ayres never even saw the corpse. Kurtzman handled the entire matter, and set a record in the process. He declared Lay dead, autopsied him, concluded that the death was due to heart disease, then turned the body over to the funeral home for immediate and private cremation, and all of this happened on the same day! This was the fastest death to autopsy to cremation in the history of Colorado. Incidentally, it is unheard of for a Medical Examiner to make a ruling outside of his own jurisdiction, and is not in compliance with the state laws of Colorado.
And that, my friends, is the smoking gun. But first a few qualifications:
Would Ken Lay fake his own death? Why not, didn’t he fake his own life? Didn’t he fake all of the numbers in order to steal hundreds of million of dollars? Didn’t he fake being a decent Christion, and get on TBN with Paul and Jan Crouch (fake tits + big weird hair) and talk about how he was “God’s Man in the Business World” while he was simultaneously (and criminally) destroying and plundering a minimum of 25% of America’s private pensions?
Yes, but would our own government help him? They did in the past. It was President George H. W. Bush who first deregulated electric utilities in the United States, at the urging of his campaign chairman, Ken Lay. This act made Ken Lay. It gave him the green light for the whole fiasco that became Enron. Lay was the largest single contributor to the G W Bush Presidential campaign.
Would Bush lie for Ken Lay? Yes, he had already done so. He claimed in 2002 that he barely knew “Kennyboy” when in actuality Lay had already given Bush a half million dollars, had been his father’s campaign chairman, and had been named to the Bush transition team in 2000.
Would Lay’s wife Linda go along with it? Yes, she too had been caught lying about her husband. She told a national audience on the Today Show that she and Ken were “penniless” and that all their money had been tied up in Enron stock. Not true. The couple had sold most of their shares and purchased variable annuities (exempt from creditors) that pay out a minimum of $100,000 per month for life, after taxes. They transferred real estate to family members as well. At the time she made the statement on TV, she and Ken had unencumbered assets of over $25 million.
More evidence that Lay didn’t die:
Ken Lay was (and probably still is) a very “Christian” man. Now, how often do Christian folks get cremated? Pretty damn seldom! In fact, the practice is not approved by the Methodist Church (Lay’s denomination). The only Christians who are cremated are those who die in poverty. No respectable Methodist is burned. After all, how is Jesus going to resurrect Ken to a life in Glory Land if he’s ashes? Also, the psychology is wrong. Lay became a Christian to avoid being burned up after his demise. So then he’s going to request a dose of hellfire on the way out? I think not.
But there is more. Ken Lay left behind some real estate when he passed away. The smallest parcel was a pair of burial plots he and Linda had purchased, so that they could be buried together. Why did he do this, if he planned to spend eternity in an urn over the fireplace? Ultimately, his ashes were buried, but not in the family plot! Instead, the reputed remains were interred in Colorado.
Even when someone decides to get cremated, the normal thing is to have a public viewing where the family and friends can pay their last respects. It is in fact a requirement of churches that permit cremation. Ken Lay didn’t even have a funeral, just a “memorial service” with no viewing. This is unheard of, especially in the case of a man who was friendly with two US Presidents, many high-ranking government officials, the entire financial world, and titans of industry and religion.
There must be some compelling reason this man’s body was not prepared for a Christian burial in accordance with his faith. This is how we know Ken Lay isn’t dead after all. This is also why the theory that Lay was assassinated or killed himself cannot be true – if he were killed by a CIA Dick Cheney heart-attack machine or died by his own hand, his body would have been seen.
The whole cremation thing is the dead giveaway that Kenneth Lay is still alive.
Even without the help of his powerful friends, Ken Lay had many millions of dollars to throw around. Is it possible? Certainly, since the only two persons who saw Ken Lay after his death who could definitively identify him were his wife and the coroner.
Of course, he had help. There was definitely a body, which probably looked to be about the same age and size as Lay. The corpse may have been a homeless man who died of a real heart attack, or perhaps a murder victim. It was never fingerprinted, once again not in compliance with state law.
Ken Lay was no fool. Everything about him was fictitious. He was a phony businessman and a phony “Christian” and it should be expected that he would also fake his own death. He’ll surely be reading this on the internet, where my columns are very popular. Hi Ken. You’re still guilty and you’re still an asshole and some of us know that you’re still alive.                                      GATOR

A boy says to a girl, “So, sex at my place?” “Yeah!” “Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?” Later on the girl is yelling, “Cheese, cheese, tomato, tomato!” The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!” He said, “Explain the kids!”

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

An American tourist goes on a trip to China . While in China , he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his “tool” covered with bright green and purple freckles. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days. The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it”.
The man looks a little perplexed and says “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc”. The doctor answers “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.
The man screams in horror “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion”.
The doctor replies “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice”.
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims “Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease”.
The guy says to the doctor “Yeah yeah, I already know that but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs “Stupid American doctors, always want to operate. They make more money that way. No need to operate!”
“Oh Thank God!” the man replies. “Yes” says the Chinese doctor “You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money!”

An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about the hair.
Her mom said, “That part where hair has grown is called a monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.”
Next morning at breakfast she told her sister.
“My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said.
“That’s nothing, mine is already eating banana’s.”

A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Johnny.
“None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then Little Johnny says, “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, “Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
“The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on… but I like your thinking.”

Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her “Don’t walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!” Little Red started towards her grandmother’s house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway.
The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her “Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he’ll suck your tits dry!”
Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest.
Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her “Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood – I’m going to suck your tits dry!!”
“Oh no you don’t”, yells Little Red Riding Hood, as she pulls up her skirt, “You’re going to eat me just like the storybook says!”

So-called Christian Pornography Makes Internet Debut
It was bound to happen sooner or later. So-called “Christian pornography” has appeared on the internet, via websites like the one at www.christianporno.com
A disclaimer on the site explains that there is no Biblical prohibition against pornography, however, Christian pornography should only present sex acts between married couples and only for the purpose of procreation.
The missionary position is preferred.
However, the site does contain a great amount of material documenting sinful types of behavior, such as “Jezebel and her lovers”, “Sodom and Gomorrah” and “David and Bathsheba taking a bath”.
Because these are referenced in the Bible, their depictions are approved for Christian viewing by most clergymen.
“This will be a great resource to God-fearing men everywhere” said Joel Edward Hallinger, a retired Presbyterian janitor who dabbles in amateur sociology. “No more guilt trips for these sexually-repressed insecure guys I call ‘Yuckies’, which stands for Young Urban Christian Know-it-alls.”
Not all evangelicals are comfortable with Christian pornography, however. Some have even associated it with their nemesis, Satan – also called the Prince of Darkness.
“I think the problem is that by allowing this type of behavior, we are legitimizing the kind of exploitation depicted.” according to Pastor Billy Swagger of the Interdenominational House of Pancakes. “Before I can advise my parishioners to visit this site, I will have to examine it carefully, to ensure that nobody else is taking advantage of my sheep.”
The site was founded and is operated by Ken O’Keeno, a former Methbyterian Priest from Frog Pond, Louisiana. O’Keeno considers the site to be his ministry, and only keeps for himself any cash the site generates.

Prisoner Execution at Halftime Show is Big Hit for Cowboys Fans
Marking the Cowboys’ season opener against the Giants in traditional fashion, Dallas fans last month were reportedly treated to a thrilling halftime show that featured the execution of a Texas state prisoner from Death Row.
“That was the best halftime show I’ve seen in years – there was this awesome light show with Toby Keith’s ‘American Ride’ playing while a priest administered the last rites,” said Cowboys fan Bill Maxwell, adding that he especially liked when Cowboys cheerleaders formed the shape of a skull around the stage and performed an elaborate dance routine before the convicted felon was injected with a lethal dose of pentobarbital.
“My favorite part was when he finally went limp and all those fireworks shot up from the top of the stadium. I just wish I were one of those lucky people on the field who got to watch it close-up” Maxwell said.
Delighted fans also told reporters that the halftime execution was far better than any other such event at Texas Stadium, noting that the view of the inmate’s last breath was much better on the venue’s state-of-the-art 72-foot-tall LED jumbotron scoreboard.
The prisoner executed during the football game was 41 year-old Luther Rabble of Pork County. Rabble was convicted of murder for his role in the grisly slaying of 67 year-old ice cream salesman Mickey House. Although Rabble was not the trigger man in the robbery or homicide, he assisted gunman Bug Pence by allowing Pence to bum a cigarette and a light from him in the weeks before the crime.
His last words were reportedly “Oh shit.”

In certain situations, some people are in more danger than others. For example, the guy who shows up at the Gun Show wearing an Obama tee shirt, or the know-it-all Yankee who turns up at redneck barbecue. When the inevitable ass-whoopin occurs, we all sigh and say something like “he shoulda knowed better.”
But, after the past two months of watching shark movies, I have come to the conclusion that there is a serious danger swimming around in the nearby ocean, especially if you are a hot chick wearing a revealing bikini.
Sharks apparently are programmed to attack hot chicks, in particular those who have nice cleavage. Any number of people may be in the water, but the shark will select the hot babe first every time.
There are no shark movies in which the shark opts to attack the overweight girl with acne, the pregnant lady, or someone’s granny. They prefer to go after the sexy chicks.
My advice to hot chicks at the beach is to stay the hell out of the water.
In the absence of a hot chick, sharks usually prefer to eat one of the following:
The resort owner who insists that there is no danger of shark attacks; the brainless football jock; any variety of government official; and of course, the black guy.
I have never seen a shark movie in which the newspaper reporter is eaten by a shark, so I feel pretty safe in the water.
What can you do to reduce the odds of being eaten by a shark?
Here are a few helpful suggestions:
1. Thrash around quite a bit when you’re in the water. This scares away sharks.
2. Swim at night, when the sharks are mostly sleeping in their sea beds.
3. Wear bright colors, as sharks have very sensitive eyesight, and loud color schemes are likely to make them avoid contact.
4. Bring along a few snacks for the sharks. That way, if a shark approaches, you can feed them by hand. They love raw chicken.
5. Swim near children. Any shark who does decide to attack will go after the kid first.
If you are accosted by a shark while you are in the water, stand your ground. You are an American citizen, and as such, deserving of respect by all creatures. You have as much right to be in the water as he does. Do not show any fear, as sharks are able to sense fear.
In the event you are actually attacked by a shark, they can be easily killed and blown to bits by simply cramming a propane tank down their throats, then shooting the tank with a rifle, causing it to detonate. Of course, it is a pain in the ass to carry a rifle and a propane tank in swimming, but this seems to be the safest way to defend yourself.
Shark attacks are on the increase. The shark population has increased dramatically during the past few years, as laws protecting sharks have been passed. These laws, promoted by well-meaning “shark huggers” have made many kinds of shark hunting illegal. This has resulted in an enormous growth in the number of sharks in our local waters.
The economic crisis has driven many of these sharks to seek alternative food sources, and some of them have turned to humans. Shark attacks along the Texas coast this year have set new records, with hundreds of incidents ranging from minor bites to decapitation, which is nearly always fatal. The numbers are probably lower than they should be, since most shark attacks are not reported by victims. Often, victims of shark attacks wrongly feel guilt, believing that the attack may have been partly their fault. For whatever reason, a large number of attacks are never reported.
The City of Galveston has taken some steps to reduce the number of such attacks. A couple of months ago, they instituted paid parking along the Seawall, under the theory that fewer people at the beach would mean fewer shark attacks. So far, the plan seems to be working, with beaches mostly deserted since the plan went into effect, and less than 50 attacks.
Do not think that staying out of the water makes you safe. Based on my own research, tornadoes can apparently suck sharks up, carry them many miles inland, then drop them, where they have often been known to attack humans and livestock on dry land.

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, “Does anyone know what this is?”
And little Johnny says, “Yes, my dad has 2 of them!”
And the teacher says, “Are you sure about that?”
And little Johnny says, “Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter’s teeth.”

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”.
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
“And you, Susie? ” the teacher asks.
Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball one night, but she didn’t have any tampons to use and she was on the rag. Her Fairy Godmother came to the rescue and turned a pumpkin next to Cinderella’s house into a tampon. The Godmother says, “Now use the tampon, but be sure to get back home before midnight or it will turn back into a pumpkin, and that wouldn’t be good.” Cinderella agrees and leaves the house.
Midnight comes along…no Cinderella, 1am, 2am and 3am, still no Cinderella!
Finally, 5am rolls by and Cinderella waltzes through the door and the fairy godmother jumps up. “Where the hell have you been?!?” To which Cinderella replies, “I met this amazing guy, and well, before I knew it, we fell madly in bed together. His name was Peter Peter…..”

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy.
He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.
The wife got up and started stripping in front of him.
The husband was confused and asked, “What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?” The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay.”
The husband said, “Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages.”

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.
“No!” yells the blonde.
Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.
“For the last time, no!” says the blonde.
Frustrated, the guy asks, “Well, why the hell not?”
The blonde says, “Because I wanna stay up here with you!”

A drunk leprechaun was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
“Please God” he implored, “let it be blood!”

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, “How did you do over the weekend?”
“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”
“Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. How did you do it? ”
“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”
“That’s admirable,” says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. “And how did you do?”
“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”
“Wow!” says the judge. “156 people! How did you manage to do that?”
“Well, I used a similar diagram,” the guy says. “I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison… .'”

An elderly man in East Texas owned a large farm that happened to have a large pond.   It was just the right size for swimming, so he fixed it up with a picnic table, a dock, and shade trees. One evening the old farmer decided to tale a walk down to the pond and grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. As he approached the pond, he saw it was a group of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
Not wanting to startle the women he made them aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man smiled and said , “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked.” as he held up five-gallon pail. “I’m just down here to feed the gator.”

Each of these ten is sufficient on its’ own to disprove the official story of what really occurred on September 11th, 2001. To date, none of these questions has been answered sensibly:

1. Why did our military fail to act?  How was it possible the Pentagon was attacked 1 hour and 20 minutes after the attacks began? Why was there no response from Andrews Air Force Base, just 10 miles away and home to Air National Guard units charged with defending the skies above the capital? How did Hani Hanjour, a man who failed as a Cessna pilot on his first flight in a Boeing, execute a difficult aerobatic maneuver to strike the Pentagon? Why did the attack strike the only side which was empty, thus minimizing casualties?

2. What about the war games? The multiple military war games planned long in advance and held on the morning of September 11th included scenarios of a domestic air crisis, a plane crashing into a government building, and a large-scale emergency in New York. If this was (as we have been told) only a series of coincidences, why did the official investigations avoid the issue? There is evidence that the war games created confusion as to whether the unfolding events were “real world or exercise.” Did the war games serve as the cover for the attacks?

3. Insider trading? Unknown speculators allegedly used foreknowledge of the Sept. 11th events to profiteer on many markets internationally – including but not limited to “put options” placed to short-sell the two airlines, WTC tenants, and WTC insurance companies in Chicago and London. President Bush promised the nation that those who profited from the attacks would be tracked down and face justice. They never were. The official story, that the securities were purchased “anonymously” is ridiculous. Just try to buy a half million dollars in stocks or securities some time, without identifying yourself, and see if it works!

4. The Black Boxes? Airplane black boxes were definitely found at Ground Zero, according to two first responders and an unnamed NTSB official, but they were “disappeared” and their existence is denied in The 9/11 Commission Report. What are they trying to hide?

5. Destroying the evidence? The rapid and illegal removal and scrapping of the WTC ruins at Ground Zero eliminated almost all of the structural steel indispensable to any investigation of the collapse mechanics. After the steel was gone, the official Twin Towers collapse investigation was left with almost no forensic evidence, and thus could only provide dubious computer models of ultimately unproven hypotheses. It failed to even test debris for the possibility of explosives.

6. What were Bush & Cheney hiding? Bush and Cheney pressured Congress into delaying the 9/11 investigation for months. They fought against the creation of an independent investigation for more than a year. Bush initially refused to testify, and finally agreed to appear informally, but only with Vice President Dick Cheney at his side, and not under oath.

7. The alleged masterminds? Khalid Sheikh Mohamed (KSM) and Ramzi Binalshibh, are reported to have been captured in 2002 and 2003, although one Pakistani newspaper said KSM was killed in an attempted capture. They have allegedly been held prisoner at undisclosed locations and their supposed testimonies, as provided in transcript form by the government, form much of the basis for The 9/11 Commission Report (although the Commission’s request to see them in person was denied). After holding them for years, why doesn’t the government produce these men and put them on trial for what they have allegedly admitted to?

8. Phony Phone Calls? The descriptions of the perpetrators, right down to the box cutters, comes from phone calls allegedly made from the planes to people on the ground. Some of these calls lasted as long as 13 minutes. At first, the official story was that numerous cell phone calls were made from the doomed planes. When researchers proved that such calls could not have been made from such heights, the official story was changed to say that passengers had used air-phones aboard the planes to make calls.  Then, American Airlines and United said that the 757 jetliners used in the attacks were not equipped with such phones. The official story has now changed again to only two calls, both on cell phones, both under 5,000 feet, and both lasting only a few seconds. One of the supposed recipients of a 9-11 call was President Bush’s lawyer, Solicitor General Ted Olson. Olson said his wife (CNN reporter Barbara Olson – who died in the attacks) had called him collect, something which could not have been done from a cell or sky-phone. He described two different conversations with her, in which she tells him, “Ted, my plane has been hijacked…“ and goes into great detail about the Arabic-looking hijackers. Olson gave a detailed statement that is apparently provably false. Why would he do such a thing? Why has no one produced a phone bill proving even one of these famous calls actually occurred?

9. Why did THAT building fall down? There were actually three buildings which collapsed on 9-11 at Ground Zero.
We all watched, horrified, as WTC #1 and #2 fell to Earth. But there was another large office building, WTC #7, which also collapsed. This 47-story building was never struck by a plane, although a small fire was reported extinguished on an upper floor, perhaps ignited by debris.  About twenty minutes before WTC #7 collapsed, the BBC Network went live to a reporter in New York who described WTC #7 collapsing, while it still stood in the background. What was behind this amazing feat of clairvoyance?

10. The War Was Already Planned? On the morning of 9-11, 25,000 British troops and the largest British Armada since the Falkland Islands War, part of Operation ‘Essential Harvest,’ were pre-positioned in Oman, the closest point on the Arabian Peninsula to Pakistan. At the same time two U.S. carrier battle groups had arrived on station in the Gulf of Arabia just off the Pakistani coast.  Any Navy vet will tell you that TWO carrier groups in the Indian Ocean is unheard of. It had never happened before.  At the same time, some 17,000 U.S. troops joined more than 23,000 NATO troops in Egypt for Operation ‘Bright Star.’ All of these forces were in place before the first plane hit the World Trade Center, then they all were used to invade Afghanistan and Iraq.  How could they have known ahead of time?

There is no innocent explanation for any of the ten issues described above.  There is no plausible scenario to explain even one of them, let alone all ten.  There are many other questions, for example, why are there no clear pictures of the Pentagon attack? The Pentagon was at the time equipped with hundreds of the most sophisticated cameras in the world.  And how did the buildings collapse exactly like controlled demolitions?  And how did the alleged hijackers get aboard the planes, when only two of them allegedly bought tickets? And why are half of the alleged hijackers still alive? And why were Israeli Mossad agents seen celebrating on a rooftop as they filmed and photographed the events from a New Jersey rooftop across the harbor from Manhattan? And why were the Bin Laden family allowed to leave the US without being questioned? And how did structural steel girders with asbestos coatings dissolve in flames caused by jet fuel, which burns at far too low of a temperature to melt steel?  Again, no good answers to any of these questions.

In view all of this evidence, the only reasonable conclusion is that our government lied to us about the most significant and eventful day in the history of this nation. It really was an “inside job” perpetrated by an entity capable of such an operation.  Only two such entities exist:  Mossad and the CIA.  Neither could have done it without the other being complicit.
Why did they lie, and what were the ultimate goals?  Those are questions that can only come out if we can indict, arrest, and try the criminals responsible.