Parking Meter Decision Looms:
Galveston City Council is planning a series of meetings to decide how the City will charge people to park on Seawall Boulevard.
One plan includes selling annual parking passes for $25 and using the money to help the strippers at the local titty bars.
A second plan would eliminate all parking on the Seawall, and tow away all cars found parking there. The vehicles would then be auctioned off, and the funds set aside to set up porta-potties on every corner in the city.
The third proposal is revolutionary, but has little chance of being approved. It would force the owners of the new Pleasure Pier to provide their own goddam parking.
Local celebrity visits with Pope:
Local musician and former porn star Richard Rhea spent a week in Rome last month, and was pleased to be granted a brief audience with Pope Benedict.
Rhea surprised the Pontoon by greeting him in Latin, reportedly telling the Pope “eezplayed ootay eetmay ooyay.”
The Pope, who is German, did not understand the form of Latin Rhea used, so an expert in Pig Latin had to translate.
Rhea has also recently signed a contract with Columbia Records. Terms of the contract are not available, but it is believed that Rhea will get eleven CDs for one cent, after which he must purchase 10 more at the regular price.
Mayor to hunt with former VP Cheney
In what is interpreted by many as the curtain call for San Leon Mayor Keith Heinz, the long-time mayor has been invited to go quail hunting with former Vice President Dick Cheney later this month.
A spokesman at Cheney’s bunker denied any rumors that Heinz would be ‘retired’ during the hunting excursion.
Heinz issued a statement saying he is honored to be invited by Mr. Cheney. “I am flattered that the former Vice President asked me to go hunting with him. I know I can learn a lot from an experienced hunter like him. He even sent me a little quail hat in honor of the event, which I will proudly wear during our outing.” The trip is set for early July.
Suspect Flees, Eludes Capture:
A high-speed chase on June 8th ended with the suspect escaping in a wooded area and remaining at large in spite of an extensive manhunt by authorities.
The incident started at the Wal Mart in Texas City, when a Wal Mart Patrol Officer noticed a man putting purchases into his car.
The suspicious officer decided to detain the man and draw DNA and blood samples from him, and approached him, saying “Sir, please come along with me…”
The perpetrator told the officer to run along and leave him alone, then jumped into his car and drove off, heading west on FM 1764 in the direction of Santa Fe.
Wal Mart Police vehicles chased the suspect, and, after covering over 30 miles, finally had him cornered in a cul-de-sac in Angleton.
Unfortunately, just as they were preparing to apprehend him, it was time for their noon lunch break, and the security men all knocked off for about an hour. Upon their return to work, the unknown man had vanished.
Police Blotter:
May 25: A Clear Lake resident complained that not enough teenagers were sneaking into his pool to skinny-dip at night anymore.
June 2: A party on Bellwether Ave. had to be broken up when it became obvious that more beer would never be arriving.
June 5: Officers responded to a noise complaint on Robertson Drive Tuesday evening and really beat the shit out of some guy.
June 9: After a high-speed pursuit, officers were forced to watch a burglary suspect taunt them from just inches across the county line.
June 10: Police responded to reports of a soaking wet naked man singing loudly at 156 Oak St. Complying with officers, the man got out of his shower and put some clothes on.
