Protected Witness Getting Settled In

Salvadore “Little Sharky” Moro, a witness against organized crime figures, has just been accepted by the Federal Witness Protection Program operated by the US Marshall.
Moro is best known for his testimony in the trial of Jose Canusi, convicted in a gangland loitering incident in 2009. A mafia “contract” worth hundreds of dollars was placed on his life. As part of the deal Moro will receive a sex change operation, a new name, a new address, and a job.

Sharkey Moro at the time of his arrest, from his Facebook page.

Moro’s new name is Donatella Nobodi. He will be relocated to 3712 5th Street in San Leon, and will be working as a pole dancer at the Silver Slipper Cabaret in Tiki Island.
Moro spent years as a “runner” for various track teams before joining the Mafia Reserve in 1996. He worked his way up until by 2002, he was the Mafia’s number one jaywalker.
He turned states evidence early in 2007 to avoid sentencing on an unpaid parking ticket, and immediately started “naming names” of persons whose names were listed in local telephone directories.
Congratulations to Moro on being selected for this prestigious government program, and best of luck.

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Blind Group Sues Over SOB Laws

A group of activists called Sight-Challenged Union of Men (SCUM) has filed a petition in Federal Court asking a judge to rule that local regulations pertaining to sexually oriented businesses (SOB’s) are a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. The suit claims that blind patrons are not allowed to use their hands to “see” dancers at strip clubs, because of the 3-foot and 4-foot laws passed by local governments.

The President of SCUM, Claude McScab, claims that he is unable to exercise his right to enjoy the cabarets and adult attractions in the area without breaking the law. “Hey, I’m 10% blind in one eye, and the other one is nearly as bad. My only way to visualize these gals is by touch. But they won’t let me. The law says I should be able to feel my way along.” McScab also suffers from glaucoma, and recently won the right to legally smoke medical marijuana in a separate case.
A watchdog group called WHEE (We Hate Everyone Else) has a different idea. Their spokesperson, Donna Biddie, when contacted by reporters, stated: “They (blind persons) are allowed to bring their guide dogs inside, and that should be enough. The seeing-eye dogs can alert their owner by wagging their tails, and other signs. If they win this case, there will be blind guys, legally smoking pot and feeling all over the dancers.”
A spokesman for the Humane Society said that it might be a crime to take a dog into an adult club, unless the dog is over the age of 18, presumably in dog years.
Attorney Elvin Arnold, who filed the suit, says that the group would like to see the laws amended to allow blind persons to touch entertainers at adult cabarets, in accordance with federal laws banning discrimination.

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County Attorney Files Lawsuit To Require Club to Stop Illegal Activity

Harris County Attorney Vince Ryan has filed a lawsuit to clean up an after-hours club in northwest Harris County, which was the scene of a murder earlier this month.

Investigators have identified a suspect in the fatal shooting at Club La Cave that left one man dead and several others injured. Henry Dorsey is accused of fatally shooting Timothy Powell, 21, on Dec. 9. Three other males were wounded and another assaulted during the incident.

Ryan contends that the Club La Cave, 4714 FM 1960 West, is a public nuisance where criminal activity regularly occurs, including unlawful and illegal use and discharge of firearms; delivery, possession and use of a controlled substance; aggravated assault; sexual assault; aggravated robbery; and even murder.
One man was killed and three others shot outside the club in the early hours of a recent Sunday morning. Two people were killed at the club in 2011.
“The defendants have knowingly allowed hundreds of violations to occur at this club and done nothing to stop them,” said Ryan. “They can either operate in a legal manner or we will see that they are closed down.”
La Cave is an after-hours club operating from 2 a.m. to 7 a.m. Nearly 400 calls for service have been made at the club, located in a strip center in the Champions Terrace area.
Local residents say robberies, break-ins and shootings have increased in their community since the club opened.
The Harris County Attorney’s Office is seeking a temporary injunction against club owner Victoria Gonzales and against Hardial and Surinder Mangat, who own the property where the club is located. The County Attorney’s Office is asking a judge to order reasonable actions to prevent the nuisances caused by the club and to order the defendants to put up a bond. If the defendants violate the judge’s order, the bond could be forfeited and the club ordered closed for one year from the forfeiture date.

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Electric Reliability Council Meeting Postponed Due To Power Outage

The meeting of The Electric Reliability Council of Texas (ERCOT) was postponed until January 15th after a power outage darkened meeting rooms on December 19th in Houston.

ERCOT manages the flow of electric power to 23 million Texas customers – representing 85 percent of the state’s electric load. Their stated goal is to provide reliability in the Texas electrical grid and minimize outages.  It seems slightly ironic that a power outage would cause them to miss a meeting.

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$1,000,000 Cocaine Found Aboard Crude Oil Tanker

Coast Guard personnel were joined by other federal agencies Christmas Eve to remove more than 85 pounds of cocaine from a Maltese tanker ship off the Galveston coast.

A drop in the proverbial bucket. Hundreds of millions of dollars worth of cocaine are smuggled into Houston aboard these tankers each year.

The crew of the 900-foot oil tanker Godavari Spirit notified the Coast Guard by radio that they had located a suspicious package hidden aboard their ship and suspected it to contain narcotics.
A joint boarding team consisting of the Coast Guard, Customs and Border Protection, Homeland Security and the Drug Enforcement Administration, were taken 70 miles offshore aboard the U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Manowar to board the tanker and to confiscate the cocaine.
Upon completing a thorough search, the team located and seized a total of 31 packages of cocaine, valued at over $1,000,000. No arrests have been made at this time.

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Copper Thieves Busted By Coppers

Galveston County Sheriff’s deputies caught a father-and-son theft team after witnesses spotted them stealing copper wire.

Copper is becoming the new silver. Don't cash in your pennies, they're already worth 3 cents each!

Shortly after noon on Dec. 27th, deputies were called to the 2100 block of Keystone in Port Bolivar after residents spotted two men reportedly taking copper grounding wires from electrical service poles in the area.  Residents reportedly watched the two suspects as they appeared to randomly stop at poles, tearing the grounding wires away from poles and piling the wire in an SUV they were driving.
Deputies started checking the area and soon spotted the vehicle. They then stopped the two suspects, one of whom ran from the scene.  Other deputies and Pct. 6 Constable’s deputies responded to assist, apprehending the second suspect hiding in tall grass in the 2100 block of Front Street.
Albert Leon Harvey, 50, and William Louis Harvey, 29, both of Galveston, were taken into custody and charged with Felony Theft.
Workers called to make repairs to the damage the pair did identified over 20 poles that required replacement of grounding wires as a result of the theft.
Do the scrap dealers who buy from copper thieves know they are buying wire stolen at great cost to the public? Probably. Do they care? Doubt it.

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Environmentalist Wackos Blockade Keytone Pipeline Offices

HOUSTON: Over 100 blockaders stormed the lobby of the TransCanada Keystone XL office in Houston on January 7th. Protesters danced, spilled black ‘tar sands’ balloons and hung neon orange hazard tape to highlight what they say are the deadly effects of TransCanada’s corporate greed on communities and ecosystems. Houston police arrested two of the protesters, but did not say what charges they were being held on.

Protesters want to stop the Tar Sands pipeline, which will move crude oil between Canada and Texas.

The group responsible for the demonstration is the Tar Sands Blockade, a coalition of Texas and Oklahoma landowners and environmentalists using “peaceful and sustained civil disobedience” to stop the construction of TransCanada’s Keystone pipeline.
Alec Johnson, one of the office blockaders, said “Tar sands oil spilling into our waterways and the millions of tons of carbon pollution spilling into the atmosphere means that this industry’s days are numbered.”
Perhaps. But then again, if the pipeline is not built, the oil will still be sent to refineries. This will be done using big diesel trucks. Chances are, the amount of carbon pollution and spillage will be a whole lot greater.
C’mon Alec, think this through… Maybe the pipeline will actually reduce pollution.

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Houston Rodeo Music Lineup: Send in the clowns

The Houston Rodeo has released the music lineup for this year’s rodeo. No big surprises are included. Read it and weep:


Mon Feb 25 – Toby Keith (only Dick Cheney made more money off the 9-11 attacks.)
Tue Feb 26 – Gary Allan (Mormon country music superstar.)
Wed Feb 27 – Alan “Aw Shucks” Jackson
Thur Feb 28 – Zac Brown Band (a pretty good country-folk band out of Atlanta.)
Fri Mar 1 – Black Heritage Day, Mary J. Blige (Black Heritage Day is the Politically Correct name of what was for many years simply called “N_____ Day” at the rodeo.
Sat Mar 2 – Brantley Gilbert (He actually does have fans. You can identify them by the fact that they have a wallet on a chain, but no bike and nothing in the wallet.)
Sun Mar 3 – Demi Lovato (Miley Cyrus with Talent) and Austin Mahone (A Texas version of Justin Bieber.) Must be “Tween Day.”
Mon Mar 4 – Styx (AKA “Stynx” – Not a rock or country band, as proven by their two hits, “Lady” & “Come Sail Away” from many years back. Styx is a pop band which has played the same set list for about 30 years.)
Tue Mar 5 – Lady Antebellum (ultra boring adult contemporary country hogwash.)
Wed Mar 6 – Dierks Bentley (constantly whining about some chick leaving him, his style might be called “country-emo.”)
Thur Mar 7 – Bruno “I’m not Gay, see I have a girlfriend now” Mars
Fri Mar 8 – Tim McGraw (most famous for putting all of Dr. Phil’s cliches to music.)
Sat Mar 9 – The Band Perry (more cloying obnoxious Country-emo.)
Sun, Mar 10 – Tejano Day – Julion Alvarez, Los Invasores de Nuevo Leon (Tejano Day was formerly referred to as “Wetback Day” or “Messican Day” until recent years.)
Mon Mar 11 – Jason Aldean (still more country-emo, see Dierks Bentley above.)
Tue Mar 12 – Kenny Chesney (an adult-contemporary singer disguised as a country singer. Most people miss it because he wears a cowboy hat to hide his bald head.)
Wed Mar 13 –  Jake “Who?” Owen
Thur Mar 14 –  Pitbull (Apparently this is Rap Day at the Rodeo, but no black gangstas will appear in Cowtown, so we get the Spanglish version of Eminem.)
Fri Mar 15 –  Blake Shelton (this talentless suburban damn yankee phony exemplifies how far country music has fallen.)
Sat Mar 16 – Luke Bryan (a watered down version of Kenny Chesney, who is already watered down enough.)
Sun, Mar 17 – George Strait (who is still the best living country artist), Martina McBride (a great lady, but her voice is seriously burned out) and the Randy Rogers Band (a pretty good Dallas area country band.)

Toby Keith sporting a poodle mullet hairdo. It's a goddam crying shame to see a man looking so sissified. I'm glad he sings about war rather than fighting in one, or we'd probably get our asses kicked.

Of course, there have been worse years for the rodeo. I can remember when they actually booked Barry Manilow (Barely Man-enough), which was tragic and comical all at once.

Lady Antebellum, whose name celebrates slavery, will NOT be appearing on Black Heritage Day at the Redeo.

It’s somewhat amazing that so many of the dim lights of country music are being touted as “the greatest Rodeo Houston lineup ever” in a city where the country FM stations are mired in a race for last place in the ratings.
Country music has turned into a clown show in recent years, and this lineup reinforces that image. These days, country music is to music as pro wrestling is to professional sports, or as televangelism is to religion: The batshit fringe where mediocrity rules.

Hardcore rock fans will be glad to hear that STYX is playing. Honestly, has any band ever looked more like Spinal Tap?

What would I have done differently? I don’t know. It’s hard to make chicken soup out of chicken shit. Maybe go find Doug Supernaw riding his bicycle through the trailer park in Winnie while high on bath salts and prop him up onstage; Book at least one legitimate rock band, since that is the most popular form of music, even among rednecks; Fill the roster with Texas and Houston talent, where there are many great young acts who would do a better job (and for less money) than the list of has-beens and crybabies above.

One thing I am sure of: I can hear better music free at the local venues, and that’s just what I intend to do.

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My new career as a poet…

The other day I somehow found myself at a web site called poetry.com. Apparently, the literary giants who operate Poetry.com are looking for the best poetry to publish. Just for the hell of it, and fully knowing there was some kind of scam involved, I dashed them off a quick poem, and submitted it to their contest under the pen-name “Shirley Zapinas”.

Here is the poem I submitted:

Taco pants sat on a dog yesterday…

Every now and then I am the moon
solemn and obscure behind a potted plant
with those few brave souls who can swoon
without ever leaning over at a slant.

So I must cop a baggy by hook or crook,
send bolts of lightning with a glance;
or else shut up and read a book
written by a fat man wearing plaid pants.

Perhaps I will stop speaking and scream,
walk to the edge of the sea of greed,
where pretentious poets still dream
of being published in a book none will read.

And if perchance these verses be chose,
if having words published be my luck,
then shall I remove all of my clothes,
cry out loudly that I could give a flying fuck.

if the price of the book they make is cheap
and cost me not my final dime,
then a dozen copies I shall buy and keep,
to make me laugh from time to time.
(Shirley Zapinas)

Just imagine my surprise when the Poetry.com editorial staff contacted me via email one day later to tell me that “Taco Pants Sat On A Dog”  had won their prestigious Editor’s Award, and would be featured in an upcoming book they are about to publish!
“Dear Shirley” the email said, “Your unique style and message impressed our editors, and we have selected your work to be published immediately… We are sure you will want to reserve at least a dozen copies of the upcoming book at the reduced rate of $59.95 each – they make excellent gifts.”
Some investigating turned up the fact that each book they print has about 600 poems in it. That translates to over $400,000 in sales for a press run of  7,000 copies.
The cost of the printing is about $4,000, so they can’t pay any royalties, but at least I will become a published author, and can sell my future poetry for millions.
My career as a poet is just getting started.
I have also been invited to attend the annual and prestigious International Poetry Writers Convention, a 5 day / 2 night event in Glen Falls, NY. All expenses are included (except air fare, meals, and lodging) in the $600 per person (double occupancy) fee.
So, for just $1,200 plus expenses, I can be there, hobnobbing with all of the top poets from the US, Canada, and other major cities.
Too bad I used the Shirley Zapinas moniker. If only I had used my real name… Now, I can’t go – although the editors assure me that the other poets are eagerly looking forward to meeting me (actually Shirley) for networking and socializing.
In the meanwhile, I’m going to have to buy at least a dozen books to “help cover  publishing expenses” or else Taco Pants is going to have to dismount his dog and sit on the sidelines.
I never knew becoming a famous poet was going to be so expensive, but that doesn’t matter. The main thing is that my talents have finally been discovered after all these years.

 

 

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Make me laugh and I will buy you a beer…

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo ‘Merry Christmas,’ and on the inside of the other one they tattooed ‘Happy New Year.'” Perplexed, he asked, “Why did you do that?” “Well,” she replied, “Now you can’t complain that there’s never anything to eat between the holidays!”
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Two rednecks walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they are talking about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked by this act that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t never seed nobody do it!’
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What’s the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A rooster says cock-le-dood-le-doo…
A blonde says any-cock-le-doo…
———————————————————–
Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says: “I play with mouse traps for fun.
I’ll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me,
I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times.” And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says: “That’s nothing.
I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it.”
And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” ask his friends.
The third mouse stops and replies: “I’m going home to screw the cat.”
———————————————————–
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.“ he replies.
“Put them back, we can’t afford them.” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.“ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price!“
———————————————————–
This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, “I want to get screwed.”
The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the door.
The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says, “I really want to get screwed, bad!”
A very sexy voice replies “Just slide $20 under the door.”
So the man slides the $20 under the door and waits… Nothing Happens!
He knocks on the door again, and yells out “I want to get screwed!”
The sexy voice behind the door answers, “Again?”
———————————————————–
A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.”
Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.”
The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries including Germany, Holland, Japan, Czech Republic, etc.
The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop… but at the bar… You know… they have frozen glasses.”
He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that chunks of ice were forming out of the air on it
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres. I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out several kinds of hot, home-made treats.
“But my sweet honey… at the bar…. you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that….”
“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? Fine! Sit your ass down, shut the fuck up, drink your beer in your frozen mug, and eat your hors d’ oeuvres because your married ass isn’t going to the goddamn bar! Got it, asshole?”
———————————————————–

S

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Marijuana Shortage after Hurricane Sandy has Yankee Pot Dealers Driving South For Supplies

In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, street marijuana supplies in New York and New Jersey have reached their lowest levels ever, and panicked drug dealers are having to come to Texas and California to replenish.
The activity is stimulating the economies of both states, but may also be the cause of weed shortages reported locally.
“I ain’t been able to cop a bud in two weeks” one stoner in Pasadena reported, “My guy I normally get it from says it’s bone dry. All the Yankees has been buying it all up.”
Spot checks in New York City have prices over $100 for a one-quarter ounce bag of “dirt weed” – a commercial grade of pot which typically sells in Texas for $20-25.
“Primo” is selling for two to three times as much, if and when it can be found.
“I ran out of weed, looking for weed” one woman told a CNN news reporter.  “How do they expect us to survive?”
Compounding the problem is a shortage of beer and liquor in storm-affected areas.
There have been reports of six-packs of beer being sold for $25-30, and cheap grade whiskey at $100 per bottle.

A couple of Jersey girls on a recent visit...

 

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Dickinson Man Calls 9-1-1 to report Domino’s Won’t Deliver to Him

Retired porn star and local folk artist Richard Rhea lives in a twilight-zone in which he can’t get pizza delivered to his home.
The Dickinson resident reported to police on November 10th that he had tried to order pizza from the League City Dominos, only to be told that he would have to call the Bacliff location, since he lives south of FM 517.
The manager of the Bacliff location informed Rhea that they do not deliver anywhere west of Highway 3, and that Rhea should try the Alvin location.  The employee who answered in Alvin said that his store does not deliver to Dickinson, and recommended Rhea contact the Texas City or Santa Fe stores.
Both of those locations also told Mr. Rhea they could not serve him.
When Richard asked the manager of the Texas City location what he ought to do, the manager reportedly told him to “Go!”
“Go where?” he asked.
“Go fuck yourself!” the manager yelled, then hung up the phone. At that point, Rhea called and reported it to the police.
A total of seven Dominos employees were arrested, charged with failing to render aid, a misdemeanor offense carrying no more than twenty years of state prison time.
Rhea was later able to get pizza delivery from another local restaurant.

Village Seafood of Dickinson finally came to Rhea's rescue, sending over this Super Deluxe, just in time for the Texans game.

 

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Things To See Before You Die…

—————————————————————————————

SUNKEN SHIP – Galveston Bay


Passengers aboard the Bolivar Ferry have a pretty good view of this wrecked ship. Probably a lot of them wonder what ship it is, and how it came to be beached off  Seawolf Park.
The ship was named the SS Selma, and was christened in 1919.  At 400 feet, it was considered a very large oil tanker for that time.
Less than a year after her launch, the Selma struck a jetty and cracked open, sinking.
Perhaps a significant reason the Selma sank was because she was an experimental vessel, with a hull made of concrete. Yes, concrete was actually tried in shipbuilding.
It was also reportedly tried in airplanes, with disastrous results.
By boat, this is a great place to fish and an awesome spot for a picnic.

 

—————————————————————————————

 

HURRICANE IKE WOOD TREE SCULPTURES LIST – Galveston

 

Hurricane Ike killed a lot of beautiful old trees on the Island. Local sculptors have created some magnificent works of folk art, mostly in the neighborhood east of Downtown. Here’s a partial list:
Dolphin, 828 Ball (facing Ninth)
Pod of dolphins and mermaid, 902 Ball
Wildlife totem pole, 1302 Ball
Squirrel with acorn, 1302 Ball
Dolphin, eel and dorado, 1302 Ball
Owl, 1302 Ball
Two herons, 1316 Ball
Toad, 1615 Ball
Geisha, 1717 Ball
Sister angels, 1717 Ball
Monument to oak trees, 1028 Winnie
The Tin Man, 1702 Winnie
Yellow Lab Dog, 1820 Winnie
Mermaid with clam shell, 1428 Church
Pelican sitting on piling, 1618 Church
Birds of Galveston, 1620 Sealy
Great Dane, 1228 Sealy (facing 13th)
Large pelican, 1609 Post Office
Pelicans, 628 14th (behind the Café)
Angel cradling bunny, 511 17th
Dalmatian and a fireplug at City Hall outside Central Fire Station, 823 25th
Hand holding diploma at park, 718 41st
Wildlife tree inside the playground at Schreiber Park, 83rd Street near Airport

—————————————————————————————

 

BATTLESHIP TEXAS, LaPorte

 


America was becoming a world power when the Battleship Texas was commissioned over 100 years ago. As a US Navy ship from 1914 to 1948, the BB-35 sailed 728,000 miles ranging north to Iceland, south to Chile, east to Italy and west to the Philippines. She passed through the Panama Canal 16 times.
She is the only surviving US Navy vessel that fought in WWI and WWII. In WWII, the Texas was the only US battleship to see combat in Europe, Africa and the Pacific.
Texas was also a test ship for naval aviation in 1919 and for the first radar, in 1939.
The ship’s final active mission returned 4,267 troops from the Pacific to California in time for Christmas of 1945.
Much of the Battleship Texas is still the same today as it was in 1914.  There are tons of exhibits and historical navy memorabilia from those early days of iron ships and big guns.
The view is pretty nice as well, and there is a bar nearby.

 

 

 

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Where Did The Conservative Movement Go Wrong?


Since the recent elections, there is a lot of soul-searching among the conservative politicians about what went wrong. Why didn’t at least 51% of the voters go along with their agenda? What can they do to reverse what appears to be a trend against conservative leadership?
Maybe they should look to history for their answers.
Historically, the American conservative movement dates back to the Salem Witch Trials, which were conducted by conservative leaders of that time and place who feared that witches were taking possession of young girls in Salem, Massachusetts.


By the time our founding fathers were preparing to fight for our independence from England, a strong conservative movement led by church leaders opposed all talk of revolution. Conservative leaders strongly advocated obedience to the Crown, and steadfastly refused to join the revolution. In fact, when the founders met in Philadelphia in 1776 to sign the Declaration of Independence, there was not a single church leader among them. There were planters, lawyers, soldiers, bankers, surveyors, farmers, ship captains, artisans, and all manner of merchants – but not one religious leader was willing to ink his name to the document.
Conservatives warned that it was unnatural to rebel against our Sovereign Lord, King George III, and that doing so would plunge the colonies into disorder.  They  assured  us,  as  the father of conservatism, Edmund Burke echoed, that social stability would come from the small group of wealthy aristocrats ruling over the poor majority. Conservatives reiterated that it was the duty of the poor to obey their “betters.” Their reward, after all, would come in Heaven.

 


A few years later, when President Jefferson negotiated the Louisiana Purchase, the conservatives went berserk. Jefferson had no constitutional right to make such a deal, and the hefty price would bankrupt our government, they claimed.
Then, in the 1840s, when President Andrew Jackson fought vigorously against the Central Bank, conservatives stood solidly against his efforts to free the government from that expensive and parasitic early model of the Federal Reserve Bank.
Conservatives divided by 1860, and went to war against one another. Conservatives in the South wanted to keep their “peculiar institution” of slavery, while religious conservatives in the north were unwilling to compromise and prepared to go to war over the issue. Moderates on both sides were drowned out in the conservative gridlock which made that horrific war inevitable.
After the war, as commerce began to expand westward, conservatives opposed regulating business in any way, fighting to prevent laws which outlawed child labor, made working conditions safer, and required foods and medicines to be pure and safe for consumption. They fought to stop the government from breaking up business monopolies which were damaging to our economy and causing massive poverty and hardship across the country. They fought to keep the government from regulating railroads, banking, and all forms of manufacturing. They openly supported the use of armed troops to attack and even kill workers who went on strike.
As women began to organize themselves to obtain suffrage – the right to vote – the conservatives came out solidly against them, essentially telling them they needed to get back in the kitchen and bake cookies, and leave the politics to men, who were better qualified.
Conservative ministers preached that electricity was the work of the devil. They said automobiles were the work of the devil. Then it was airplanes. Then radios and phonographs. Then it was the movies and music. As each new technological advance made its’ debut, there were conservative preachers there to explain why this was just more of Satan’s work.

 


It was during this era that conservatives succeeded in one of their only pro-active efforts: The 18th Amendment, which established prohibition. Conservatives during this era also strongly opposed the waves of immigration from southern and eastern Europe – an immigration from which 40% of present-day America is now descended. It was also during this time that there was a resurgence of conservative thought which swelled the ranks of the Ku Klux Klan and other right-wing groups.
When the Great Depression hit, the conservatives didn’t want the government to get involved in “bailing out” people and places hit hardest by the disaster. They opposed President Roosevelt’s “New Deal” projects, like the Civilian Conservation Corps, the Tennessee Valley Authority, and other programs to provide jobs. They called him a Socialist. Leading conservatives like Henry Ford and Charles Lindbergh sang the praises of the miracles being wrought in Europe by leaders like Hitler and Mussolini, and encouraged America to take a similar path.
The conservatives hated FDR, and particularly they hated the Social Security Act. They opposed many progressive causes of the time, including: The minimum wage, time-and-a-half for overtime, the 40 hour work week, and the banning of child labor.
Even after Hitler invaded France and went to war with Great Britain, conservatives would not authorize our government to provide assistance to England, insisting on strict neutrality. They fought tooth and nail to prevent the lend-lease program which certainly saved Great Britain from becoming a German province. They only relented after Pearl Harbor.
After the war ended, conservatives fueled the Cold War for 40 years by insisting on a constant buildup of nuclear weapons and a continuous string of proxy-wars around the globe. During this time, conservative administrations set up and supported dictatorships in Chile, Argentina, Iran, Iraq, Vietnam, the Philippines, Cuba, and dozens of other countries. These were not regimes in which the citizens had a voice – they were fascist dictatorships, supported by the United States.
During the 1960s, conservatives favored drafting 18 year-olds and sending them off to die, but didn’t want them to have the right to vote. They fought hard to stop President Lyndon Johnson from signing bills that would create public housing, Medicaid, food stamps, integration of schools, affirmative action, voting rights, and other civil rights causes.
In the 1970s conservatives worked hard to stem the tide of environmental regulations. They fought a running battle against “tree huggers” to keep our air and water foul and polluted by plants which spewed toxic poisons, and by pesticides which were proven to cause birth defects.

 


By 1980, conservatives were making a comeback with Ronald Reagan riding at the front of their attack on all things progressive. For the entire decade, unions were increasingly marginalized and government regulations on business were done away with.  They won their greatest victory during this era when the Cold War ended, ushering in a time of economic prosperity.
It was during the Reagan revolution that religious leaders became increasingly prominent among the conservative leadership. The longstanding conservative hatred of gay people was a natural outgrowth of the “Moral Majority” which constituted the first conservative Tea Party.
Conservatives have recently championed causes that most Americans oppose: Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan; Tax cuts for the rich; Blank check appropriations to Israel; and privatizing of Social Security.  They have opposed things that most Americans want, including affordable health care, increases in the minimum wage, stem cell research, and ending the wars we are fighting.
Time after time, conservatives have found themselves on the wrong side of history. They have vigorously opposed nearly every positive step as our American civilization has advanced. Yet, as P. T. Barnum might have said, a new conservative is born every minute.

 

If you hate Mexicans, queers, and blacks; If you believe that the rapture will occur soon; If you believe that life is sacred but favor the death penalty; then there is no other option for you.
The pendulum will swing conservative again, and at some point in the nebulous future we will see them marching off to Washington to once more stand solidly against all progress while pounding their Bibles and screwing their secretaries. Or vice versa.

 

 

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What Now For Business Owners?

Higher taxes mean bad news for the trophy wives: Fewer foo-foos and diamonds, as profits are forced back into the business.

On the heels of their narrow victory in the recent elections, the Demoncrats are already plotting to raise taxes on the wealthy. That means us – if you are a business owner. They are going to take a larger slice of the pie.
If the tax burden on us one-percenters goes up significantly, there is only one basic strategy to avoid paying huge amounts of our money over to the government: Tax writeoffs.
If you own a business, as most of us in the top 1% do – you won’t have to look very far to find a tax shelter: It’s the place where you go to work – your business.  Of course, any money you legitimately spend on your business is considered tax-exempt.  It’s considered a part of the cost of doing business.
So, instead of taking money out of the business in the form of salary and bonuses for yourself, the course most of us will be forced to take is to reduce tax exposure by plowing profits back into our businesses. This is the only way to avoid taxes, while keeping the money close to home.
What are some of the ways to put money back into your business that will pay the best rewards? Expand by opening new locations; buy a new fleet of trucks; build another warehouse; add additional staff; invest in new equipment; patch the roof; offer employee pay incentives; advertise your brand; and a million other things, all of them tax-deductible.
If they are wisely deployed, these improvements should cause revenues and profits to increase, while avoiding expensive and confiscatory taxes.
Of course, there will be a negative side-effect: Rolling profits back into growth will create jobs, and unemployment will drop. Labor costs and wages will begin to increase. We may even have to improve employee benefits in order to retain the best people. A low unemployment rate will begin to re-empower labor.
However, there is no other course to take if our government insists on raising taxes on the wealthiest citizens.
Let’s hope that day never comes. Hopefully, the public will continue to believe (however ridiculous the theory may be) that lower taxes on the wealthy somehow creates jobs. We must continue to espouse that theory at every opportunity, or else we may be forced into an unwanted and expensive cycle of economic growth.    (GATOR)

 

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