A pothead is walking down the street one day and he meets a genie. “Today is your lucky day!” said the genie. “I’m going to give you two wishes. What will the first wish be?” The pothead thinks for a moment and then says, “I want a never-ending joint.” So the genie snaps his fingers and there is this king-sized joint. The hippie lights it up and starts puffing. After three hits the joint is still the same length. Next the genie says, “…And wish number two?” The pothead replies, “This is so cool man! I’ll have another one!”
A blonde and brunette are having tea when suddenly the phone rings. The blonde picks it up and immediately starts crying.
Her brunette friend asks her, “Why are you crying dear?”
Blonde says, “Because my mom just called and said that my father just died.
“I’m so sorry,” says the brunette.
The blonde finally stops crying, when the phone rings again. She picks it up and starts crying all over again.
The brunette asks again what’s wrong, to which the blonde replies, “My brother just called and said that his father died too.”
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, “I love you”.
She asked me, “Is that you or the beer talking”
I said, “It’s me……..I’m talking to the beer”!
3 guys walk into a bar
The first guy says “I have got the smallest arm in? the world”
The second guy “I have the smallest head in the world”
The third guy “I have got the smallest dick in the world”
The 3 guys go to the Guinness World Records
The first guy comes back and says “I really do have? the smallest? arm in the world”
The second guy comes back and says “Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world”
The third guy comes back angry ” Who the FUCK is JUSTIN BEIBER?
Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, That little gal is havin’ a bad time. I’m agonna go over there and help.”
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, “Kin ya swaller?” Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, “Kin ya breathe?” Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, “Ya know, it’s sure amazin’ how that hind-lick maneuver always works.”
